I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
