Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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