Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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