Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
