Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
