Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
