Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
