You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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