I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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