He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
