My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
