Too much gin, very little bucket
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My life is pants optional.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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