sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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