the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
