if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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