I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
