I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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