but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
