Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
