I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
