the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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