Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
