friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
