I'm lost and stupid without you.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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