so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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