Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
