I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
