did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Randomize
