I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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