he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize