CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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