u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
