She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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