I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
