What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize