No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
