i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
