Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
