well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
