I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize