you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
