I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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