She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
