Quick, to the slutcave!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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