You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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