So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
