His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Randomize
