i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
