I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize