The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
