Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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