Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
