so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
