And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm passing your future prison.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
