I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize