He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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