I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
