I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
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