on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
