I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
