omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
