Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
