I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
