Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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