Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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