Me. At least after what I've been through.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
