Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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