Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
