I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
