And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
