how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
