She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
