I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
