bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize