im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize