I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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